Enough is enough

Silvia Mencillas is comforted by relatives after her son was shot to death Sunday by army troops during a demonstration. (Rodrigo Abd/ Associated Press)

When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.
-Jimi Hendrix

What's love got to do with it?

Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war, love is growing up, a challange, a journey, a triumph. Love is a fire, but whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house you can never tell. Love is life, and if you miss love . . . you miss life. [unknown]

I think I was 6 years old when I had my first crush. His name was Tim, and he was my best friend's older brother. He was five years older than me, but in my childish mind that didn't matter. He was funny, and I still remember the day he won me over.

It was a warm summer day. The barn reeked of musty hay and horses. The three of us were climbing in the rafters and hay bales when suddenly I felt a stab of pain in my finger. I looked down and noticed a sharp piece of glass protruding from a bale. My finger throbbed and the blood was quickly running down my hand in scarlet streams. I looked around for help, and Tim was quickly at my side, tearing off a piece of his shirt and wrapping my hand to stop the bleeding. I thought he was my knight in shining armor. Of course many other childish crushes followed. My view of love changed and morphed as I grew older. Oh, what is love? For a long time I thought love was the way two people looked at each other or the butterflies in my stomach, but soon realized this was a shallow view of love. Love is a steady devotion that stands strong in the face of life's storms and challenges. It is long suffering, humble, compromising, tender. Love is a serious commitment.

I generally do not read books about love, especially ones that my mom recommends; however, due to an overabundance of time and a bit of curiosity, I picked this one up. It's called Serious About Love: Straight Talk to Single Adults by Dr. Kay Kuzma. I cannot express the blessings I have received from reading this book and feel impressed to share some of the most potent statements.

1. It is possible to be madly in love with the wrong person. And being in love is not reason enough to marry. Marriages based on love alone may make it through the fall of a relationship as passion begins to cool, but when love settles down for a long winter's night-and rationality returns-too many discover that they have made a long-term investment in a short-term interest.

2. The secret to a successful marriage is to find someone who complements you, not competes with you. You should only marry when each of you feels so comfortable with your own talents that you can help the other become the very best he or she can be. You want a marriage partner who will help you reach your potential, not sabotage your efforts.

3. True love draws a couple closer to their families, friends, and God. Infatuation causes a couple to pull away from others.

4. There is no problem so difficult that two people willing to compromise can't solve. The key is that both people in a relationship must be willing to compromise. Solutions are rare when one person consistently must give in to the other in order for problems to be solved.

5. Dialogue is more than your giving me space to say my words, and my giving you space to say yours. It involves our listening. We are all different. We cannot have dialogue unless we honor the differences. How can I build a bridge across the gulf between me and you unless I am aware of the gulf? How can I communicate with you unless I see how things look from your side?
Dialogue demands that I leave the place where I dwell-the landscape of feelings and thoughts that are important to me-in order to dwell for a time with your thoughts, feelings perceptions, fears, hopes. I must deny myself-forsake the familiar, give up my life-in order to experience your life.
The purpose of dialogue is never to persuade another person to accept our opinions, or values, or view of the world; rather it is to create an understanding-a climate where communion takes place. He who has lost himself finds himself. The deepest craving of every heart is to be laid bare, to be known, to be understood...

6. Romantic love is merely an illusion that fades all too quickly. True love has the beautiful blend of passion and accountability,spontaneity and design, tenderness and strength, innocence and reason. This is the kind of love that can last a lifetime

7. Love is something you do. It's the words of respect you speak, even when you feel resentful. It's the kind things you do for each other, even though you feel like playing dirty. It's going the extra mile, even when you don't feel like it or feel you're being taken advantage of. It's choosing to see the positive in the negative. It's anticipating new opportunities for growth that hurt, pain, or suffering might bring.

So, I highly recommend the book. Those were just some of the points I found especially powerful.
What's love got to do with it? Not everything. . . at least not what most people define as love. We must look to Christ for the embodiment of HIS love, and then work on emulating it in our own relationships. That is love.

"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."
1 John 3:18

Stop, drop and. . .pray

I was supposed to leave for Honduras tomorrow, but I guess things don't always work out as planned. On Sunday, June 28, 2009, the president of Honduras, Manuel Zelaya, was taken by force from his home by soldiers in the first military coup since the Cold War. Roberto Michelett was named as interim president, and since the coup, protesters have taken to the streets and other countries, including the U.S., say they will not recognize any president other than Zelaya unless they are elected democratically. I have no idea how long I will have to wait before I leave. I know I have to trust God's timing, but it's hard not to be impatient and frustrated. I was all packed and ready to go, but sometimes God asks us to wait.

Before any of this happened and I had any idea I wouldn't be able to go as planned, I heard an amazing sermon on Sabbath. And now in retrospect, the sermon was just what I needed, and would need, to hear. Barry Black, the chaplain of the U.S. Senate, spoke at our campmeeting. I'd only heard him speak once before, but I was definitely more impressed this time than the first. He spoke about prayer. This man has the ability to captivate an audience. I think part of it is his deep voice, but he's funny too. He said something that really made a lot of sense. He said most of the time when we pray, we are OK when God says 'yes,' and even when He says 'no.' However, when God doesn't say anything, that's when we struggle. His message was for Christians to let love be their motivation for prayer and to keep trusting even when He doesn't answer right away. Well, God seems to be saying 'no,' right now, but I am not going to get discouraged. My prayers are with those in Honduras now, especially Amanda who is already at the orphanage.

I hope this is resolved soon.

And so it begins. . .

All it takes is a split decision. Mine happened in a world religions class. Most mornings it was difficult to focus, my mind slowly adjusting to new ideas and cultures at a time before many people even roll out of bed or drink their morning coffee. But that day was different. The video was about Tibetan Buddhism, and in one scene a worshipper prostrated himself before an idol. I snapped awake as the narrator said, “There are still many people who have never heard the name of Jesus.”

I guess you could say that’s where it all started. I’d thought about being a student missionary before, but never considered it, seriously that is. Growing up I'd heard what seemed like millions of mission stories, whether they were on tapes at bedtime or presentations at church. I had always known that many, many people around the world didn't know about Jesus, but up until that point I don't think I'd really cared. I can't say I had this huge change of heart or anything like that, but I know that day in class God put a small burden on my mind.

A few of my other friends apparently felt it too, because we went to the Student Missions Expo and started looking into the various places we could go. I picked Honduras, mostly because I wanted to use my Spanish. I started paperwork and fundraising around December 2008. One of the most amazing blessings was how my first money came in. I hadn't even sent out my letters at that point, but when I returned to school after Christmas vacation, a letter was waiting for me that contained more than 75 percent of what I needed to raise, which was a really big amount. I couldn't believe it. I was ecstatic! It seemed like a pretty big sign that this was what God did want for me.

I finished up at Southern and graduated in May. God blessed me with an amazing senior year. Two of my good friends have also chosen to serve God this coming year. Michelle will be going to Chad to work as a nurse and Aldo will be teaching in Palau. So, I have had some time to relax and prepare myself at home, but the time has come to leave. I will be leaving for Honduras this Tuesday, June 30, and plan to keep this blog to share my adventures, struggles and triumphs with everyone back home. In Honduras I will be working at the Hogar de Ninos Orphanage in Santa Barbara.

I just want to make one disclaimer. Don't expect to read about miracles. Let me explain. I feel that even though no one would ever admit to it, many people secretly relish in reading mission blogs. Why? Because they expect to hear about the mighty things God is doing. They expect to hear stories about how God has parted the sea, healed the sick and saved the lost, all through one, little missionary. I am not going to Honduras to do any of those things. My aim and purpose is to sow seeds of love, kindness and peace. My one desire is to make a difference, no matter how small, in the lives of those I come into contact with. I do not expect God to raise the dead or heal the sick, but I have faith He will use the seeds I sow to bring to life a desire for salvation and cure souls diseased with sin. If you are expecting to read stories about visible miracles, you might not find them here. I believe one of the greatest miracles is invisible, the change of heart that only God can see, and that is my mission and aim for this year. I also hope He will work changes in my own heart.

Oh yeah, I'm human. I'm going to be homesick, tired and frustrated. I need prayer every day. So as you read my blog, please remember to pray for me. And don't forget, you don't need to go to another country to be a missionary. . .

-Hannah

A walk down memory lane

So, I used to blog a lot. I had a Xanga in high school and wrote an entry almost every day. I decided to go back and read some of my blogs, just for old time's sake. . . I found this one particular entry that I really enjoyed reading and will post it here. It was written a few weeks before I graduated high school in 2005.

Man, it seems like such a long time ago. It WAS a long time ago. Many of my thoughts from that year are still so similar to what I feel now, yet I have changed so much. . .

Here is my entry:

I've just been really stressed out lately. . .the last day or so, and it's all my own fault. I am a master procrastinator, and I wait until the last minute to do things. . .bad idea. Today was horrrible. I am failing my Physics test, and I don't even care as much as I should. Right now I'm putting off studying for Precalc, and I'm not even worried. It's bad, but I think I'm letting go of high school. I'm letting go of the people there, the classes, the homework, the hours spent in its winding sessions of drama. . .all gone. My life is like an unfinished rope. There are so many different pieces to it, and some of them are fraying, some are unique and pointless, and others just hold it together. Each new person I meet, I add a piece to the rope, and together we hold on. . .on and on and on. We walk through life, we make memories, we dance, we laugh, we sing, we talk. . .but sometimes we hold on too tight or too loose, and we get tangled up and confused. There comes a point to where there are so many people holding on to me, that I feel warm and happy. There are those who make me stronger, those who make me happier, and those who give me more love then I deserve. Why would I ever let go of my rope. . .of their rope. . .of his or her rope. . .why? Sometimes it's necessary to let go because holding on is fraying the rope and cutting off my air supply. I just have to let go, to break free. I think I've finally let go. . .but yet there are still pieces left, threads that remind me of the good times, the bad times, and the memories. Even if I'm no longer holding on, I can still walk. . .

Please walk with me. . .down memory lane

Remember me when the sun fades and flowers die

Take my hand, it's cold as ice

Believe me, I really did try

~Han

Here is another similar post about leaving high school behind:


These pictures evoke emotions from me. They evoke feelings and ideas, memories and speculation of the future, but they cannot sum up in words what my heart feels as I near the end of the beginning. I have traveled through time to this very moment, and what have I seen and felt in those fleeting years which are my wake of fluid travel? I am about to graduate. I am about to leave all of what I have worked for behind, but yet I am not fully leaving it behind. I am using it as stepping stones to bring myself closer to the sun, closer to knowledge and light. I will miss so much about my years in high school. I will miss the carefree and immature actions that brightened my days. I will miss the faces, the smiles, the laughter of so many. I feel as though I am closing a door behind on a room filled with memories. Each memory is sweeter and more precious then the last, and each is filled with hollow echos of those I have held so dear. I began high school timid, unsure, and self-conscious. I like to think that I am leaving it confident, happy, and with no regrets. Where I will go to achieve my dreams is yet to be seen. Will I find them all in one place, or will I travel the world in search of the answers? I cannot search for happiness, because that is found only in one place, and that is right here within me. What creates this happiness is the thing to be found, and I know that moments are fleeting. . .that things change from one moment to another. I am content for now it seems. I only know that as sun turns to rain, that life is filled with necessary pains. The rain is miserable, but it nurtures and strengthens each plant, and when the sun comes out again, they reach yet higher toward the light and joy of life. I guess you could say this is me wording how I feel about these chapters of my life. I've made my choices and dealt with them, and now the cake is made. All I am asking for is the cherry to go on top. . . .

Inquisitive

The things that come out of kids' mouths. . .

"Hannah, do we have to get all our giggling out before heaven," asked Justin, my 7-year-old nephew, at the dinner table.

I stifled a laugh because it would have been hurtful to his inquisitive heart, but it was difficult because laughing comes very naturally to me. In fact, I hope I will have even more reasons to laugh in heaven than I do here.

I promptly told him that there would be plenty of laughing in heaven. Jesus wants us to be happy, here and there.

My niece and two of my nephew's are here staying with us for a few days and they continue to amaze me with their intelligence and progress. They are definitely not angels, but they have gone through much in their young lives, and I praise God for the joy and happiness He is instilling in their minds as they learn and grow more each day. They are smart, talented, driven kids. Sometimes they're loud and rambunctious and have a hard time doing what they're told, but at the end of the day, their innocence and heartfelt affection are what I remember most. They grow up while I am away, and when I return for a fleeting visit, they rush back into my arms with eager smiles and I realize sadly that they've grown even taller and won't be little much longer.

Oh, beautiful youth. Its innocence. Joy. Exhuberance.
You grow up in a few years, but grow old for a lifetime.
Can't fight age, wrinkles, time.
Each day brings more knowledge, more burdens, more problems.
I've been fighting growing up and growing old.
I want to be forever young.
Away from me, vile age and worry. I cling to the innocence of a child.

Please remind me next time. . .

Last week I went on a dueling 8-mile bike ride with my mother. I swore I would never do it again as I panted my way up the over-sized hill to my house, streams of sweat trickling down my spine and beading above my brow.

Somehow it happened again.

It was hard to resist. The sun had finally broken free from the dark chains of clouds that hung over the mountains for the past few days, and a bike ride seemed like a good idea. Well, if my mom, who just broke her back at the end of February and turned 63 in May, could do it, well, I darn well SHOULD be able to at 22. So, we set off. The first part of our bike rides are always deceiving because they're all down hill. I inhaled the sweet air as it rushed past me, trees and light blurring together in a symphony of summer greenery. The way back is always a different story though. I hopped off my bike to begin the climb, holding tightly to my newly acquired Uncle Henry's [a magazine containing ads of things for sale in the area]. Half-way up I had to stop, panting and swatting at the persistent mosquitoes that were basking in my discomfort. Why? Why do I always put myself through this, I pondered. Is it really worth it? I doubled over my bike and continued to heave myself toward home.

Next time, please remind me. . . and maybe I'll skip the shower first too. However, leaving my cool comfort zone to risk the sweat of the outdoors is always worth it. I'm about to leave my cool comfort zone of a home in a few weeks to brave the sweaty outdoors of another country. Honduras is going to test my endurance. I know there will be plenty of emotional and physical sweat involved, but I will press forward toward the goal/home. . . Not my earthly home, but the one in the sky where I will one day see my Saviour and the lives I, by the grace of God, have impacted along my travels.

Philippians 3:14
I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.


I baked a cake last night for my dad. Below is the finished product.