What's love got to do with it?

Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war, love is growing up, a challange, a journey, a triumph. Love is a fire, but whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house you can never tell. Love is life, and if you miss love . . . you miss life. [unknown]

I think I was 6 years old when I had my first crush. His name was Tim, and he was my best friend's older brother. He was five years older than me, but in my childish mind that didn't matter. He was funny, and I still remember the day he won me over.

It was a warm summer day. The barn reeked of musty hay and horses. The three of us were climbing in the rafters and hay bales when suddenly I felt a stab of pain in my finger. I looked down and noticed a sharp piece of glass protruding from a bale. My finger throbbed and the blood was quickly running down my hand in scarlet streams. I looked around for help, and Tim was quickly at my side, tearing off a piece of his shirt and wrapping my hand to stop the bleeding. I thought he was my knight in shining armor. Of course many other childish crushes followed. My view of love changed and morphed as I grew older. Oh, what is love? For a long time I thought love was the way two people looked at each other or the butterflies in my stomach, but soon realized this was a shallow view of love. Love is a steady devotion that stands strong in the face of life's storms and challenges. It is long suffering, humble, compromising, tender. Love is a serious commitment.

I generally do not read books about love, especially ones that my mom recommends; however, due to an overabundance of time and a bit of curiosity, I picked this one up. It's called Serious About Love: Straight Talk to Single Adults by Dr. Kay Kuzma. I cannot express the blessings I have received from reading this book and feel impressed to share some of the most potent statements.

1. It is possible to be madly in love with the wrong person. And being in love is not reason enough to marry. Marriages based on love alone may make it through the fall of a relationship as passion begins to cool, but when love settles down for a long winter's night-and rationality returns-too many discover that they have made a long-term investment in a short-term interest.

2. The secret to a successful marriage is to find someone who complements you, not competes with you. You should only marry when each of you feels so comfortable with your own talents that you can help the other become the very best he or she can be. You want a marriage partner who will help you reach your potential, not sabotage your efforts.

3. True love draws a couple closer to their families, friends, and God. Infatuation causes a couple to pull away from others.

4. There is no problem so difficult that two people willing to compromise can't solve. The key is that both people in a relationship must be willing to compromise. Solutions are rare when one person consistently must give in to the other in order for problems to be solved.

5. Dialogue is more than your giving me space to say my words, and my giving you space to say yours. It involves our listening. We are all different. We cannot have dialogue unless we honor the differences. How can I build a bridge across the gulf between me and you unless I am aware of the gulf? How can I communicate with you unless I see how things look from your side?
Dialogue demands that I leave the place where I dwell-the landscape of feelings and thoughts that are important to me-in order to dwell for a time with your thoughts, feelings perceptions, fears, hopes. I must deny myself-forsake the familiar, give up my life-in order to experience your life.
The purpose of dialogue is never to persuade another person to accept our opinions, or values, or view of the world; rather it is to create an understanding-a climate where communion takes place. He who has lost himself finds himself. The deepest craving of every heart is to be laid bare, to be known, to be understood...

6. Romantic love is merely an illusion that fades all too quickly. True love has the beautiful blend of passion and accountability,spontaneity and design, tenderness and strength, innocence and reason. This is the kind of love that can last a lifetime

7. Love is something you do. It's the words of respect you speak, even when you feel resentful. It's the kind things you do for each other, even though you feel like playing dirty. It's going the extra mile, even when you don't feel like it or feel you're being taken advantage of. It's choosing to see the positive in the negative. It's anticipating new opportunities for growth that hurt, pain, or suffering might bring.

So, I highly recommend the book. Those were just some of the points I found especially powerful.
What's love got to do with it? Not everything. . . at least not what most people define as love. We must look to Christ for the embodiment of HIS love, and then work on emulating it in our own relationships. That is love.

"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."
1 John 3:18