A walk down memory lane

So, I used to blog a lot. I had a Xanga in high school and wrote an entry almost every day. I decided to go back and read some of my blogs, just for old time's sake. . . I found this one particular entry that I really enjoyed reading and will post it here. It was written a few weeks before I graduated high school in 2005.

Man, it seems like such a long time ago. It WAS a long time ago. Many of my thoughts from that year are still so similar to what I feel now, yet I have changed so much. . .

Here is my entry:

I've just been really stressed out lately. . .the last day or so, and it's all my own fault. I am a master procrastinator, and I wait until the last minute to do things. . .bad idea. Today was horrrible. I am failing my Physics test, and I don't even care as much as I should. Right now I'm putting off studying for Precalc, and I'm not even worried. It's bad, but I think I'm letting go of high school. I'm letting go of the people there, the classes, the homework, the hours spent in its winding sessions of drama. . .all gone. My life is like an unfinished rope. There are so many different pieces to it, and some of them are fraying, some are unique and pointless, and others just hold it together. Each new person I meet, I add a piece to the rope, and together we hold on. . .on and on and on. We walk through life, we make memories, we dance, we laugh, we sing, we talk. . .but sometimes we hold on too tight or too loose, and we get tangled up and confused. There comes a point to where there are so many people holding on to me, that I feel warm and happy. There are those who make me stronger, those who make me happier, and those who give me more love then I deserve. Why would I ever let go of my rope. . .of their rope. . .of his or her rope. . .why? Sometimes it's necessary to let go because holding on is fraying the rope and cutting off my air supply. I just have to let go, to break free. I think I've finally let go. . .but yet there are still pieces left, threads that remind me of the good times, the bad times, and the memories. Even if I'm no longer holding on, I can still walk. . .

Please walk with me. . .down memory lane

Remember me when the sun fades and flowers die

Take my hand, it's cold as ice

Believe me, I really did try

~Han

Here is another similar post about leaving high school behind:


These pictures evoke emotions from me. They evoke feelings and ideas, memories and speculation of the future, but they cannot sum up in words what my heart feels as I near the end of the beginning. I have traveled through time to this very moment, and what have I seen and felt in those fleeting years which are my wake of fluid travel? I am about to graduate. I am about to leave all of what I have worked for behind, but yet I am not fully leaving it behind. I am using it as stepping stones to bring myself closer to the sun, closer to knowledge and light. I will miss so much about my years in high school. I will miss the carefree and immature actions that brightened my days. I will miss the faces, the smiles, the laughter of so many. I feel as though I am closing a door behind on a room filled with memories. Each memory is sweeter and more precious then the last, and each is filled with hollow echos of those I have held so dear. I began high school timid, unsure, and self-conscious. I like to think that I am leaving it confident, happy, and with no regrets. Where I will go to achieve my dreams is yet to be seen. Will I find them all in one place, or will I travel the world in search of the answers? I cannot search for happiness, because that is found only in one place, and that is right here within me. What creates this happiness is the thing to be found, and I know that moments are fleeting. . .that things change from one moment to another. I am content for now it seems. I only know that as sun turns to rain, that life is filled with necessary pains. The rain is miserable, but it nurtures and strengthens each plant, and when the sun comes out again, they reach yet higher toward the light and joy of life. I guess you could say this is me wording how I feel about these chapters of my life. I've made my choices and dealt with them, and now the cake is made. All I am asking for is the cherry to go on top. . . .