White. A sterile sky of pure flakes. Where am I?
Silence. I hear the clock ticking on the wall and the clacking of the keyboard.
I woke up this morning without an alarm, without the breakfast bell, without the sound of tiny fists pounding on my door. I feel numb. My heart feels like a ball of cold snow. Where am I? The quiet consumes me. My thoughts bounce off the bleak walls in the empty rooms of my mind. Is this home? I feel like a zombie. Words leave my lips and dissapate into the chilly air like fragile snowflakes. I have no tears left. I think back to my last night in Honduras. I hold Elias close as his salty tears mix with mine. He sobs. I sob. Our hearts break together as he cries softly, "Mami." Oh cruel world. Why do you bring people together only to rip them apart? I think back to yesterday as I say my last goodbyes, holding kids close as tears rack their frames. It's all too much to take in. I feel lonely. I want to go back. Can life go on? Have I changed too much? I used to dream and hope for this day, and now that it's here, I desperately want it to go away. I've left my heart in Honduras. This hurts more than a breakup. I miss my boys, my friends, my family.
Another chapter of my life ends and another one begins. I will go back one day soon, and while it will never be the same, it will still be amazing. Nine months went so quickly. Am I really home?
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