Déjame entrar

There's a song by Makano, a Panamanian recording artist that happens to be very popular here in Honduras, called Déjame entrar. In fact I heard it on the bus ride today and I'm listening to it now on my computer.

déjame entrar
a tu vida y a tu corazón
que yo quiero solo darte amor
mi amor

It's been almost six months since I arrived at the Hogar. There are days when I have wanted nothing more than to jump on a plane and fly home, but now I dread the day when that wish will come true. What has changed, I sometimes wonder. Some of these kids have allowed me a glimpse into their hearts, their souls, their dreams, their nightmares. How can one walk away from this without a tiny tear in their heart. . . I can't, yet I will soon have little choice. My mom just sent me pictures of my niece and nephews enjoying a fresh snowfall and a late Christmas, and a sudden sadness filled me as I realized they have continued to grow in my absence. I looked at Justin and realized that his face now seems less familiar than some of the boys I call mine at the Hogar. I have made a new family here. Why does life have to be this way? Why must I give up one family for another? Why must I leave one to be with another?

This Christmas was one of the most memorable that I have experienced. I was so blessed to have my parents here for nine days. Our church decided to sponsor the Hogar as their Christmas project this year. With their donations and the help of family friends, my parents were able to bring a Christmas present for each kid, in fact most received about three items. The volunteers had fun wrapping everything. The kids had no idea they were going to receive presents. A group from Andrews left some used clothing for them to give to the community, but that was it. On the afternoon of Christmas Eve, the kids were divided up into two groups to deliver the clothes. We only had small plastic bags of clothes for a few families, but each recipient was grateful.

In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive. Acts 20:35

That night we brought the presents out in a wheelbarrow. As we entered the dining hall, surprised faces lit up with joy and excitement. I will never forget the sound of happy voices that roared out to meet us.

It was a beautiful Christmas. One I will never forget.

I will try to forget that my head itches, that I go back to teaching on Tuesday, that there's usually at least one or two kids mad at me at the same time, that I will be leaving my second family soon. . . Some things should be forgotten so that the more important memories will never fade.

In exchange for these memories, I have given these kids a part of my heart, a lot of my love, and all of my hope and affection. I want nothing more than for them to heal from their painful past and move on to a bright future. If God blesses and enables me to have a small, minuscule part in that, all of this will have been worth it. All of the late nights sharing tears and days spent yelling at kids to do their chores. . . memories I will never forget.

Déjame entrar. . .